Tag Archives: Kupah James 101

1st Date: Don’t Dos

1. Don’t go to the Movies:
Way too cliche plus you will limit your ability to even speak to the person. This is supposed to be a chance to get to know them so try something a little more social. Side note: Dinner shouldn’t be your next thought. Parks, Walks, light bites, Duck Tours, Fitness classes, sight seeing, or just meeting for Coffee somewhere to chat. OMG anything by face to face communication.

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2. Don’t talk about yourself too much:
The person is already out w you so easy on the “When I was 9 speeches” keep it casual, feel it out, if the conversation gets deep let it but, be careful not to start going into detail about how you think 9/11 was a conspiracy or why Elvis was an alien. Baby steps my friend, baby steps.

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3. Don’t look at other sexes (at least while your date is looking at you):
Pay attention to what’s in front of you. The other person knows when there’s a threat in the room so don’t confirm it by glancing off into the sunrise while you both know it’s to check out someone else. Plus, it only makes for an amusing story they share w their friends later about how you tried to be slick about it.

4. Dont talk about X’s:
We get it you have dated and if you live in Boston there’s an even better chance that you know at least one or all of their X’s. So stay clear of talking about it too much. You may be giving off signs that you are not over it, especially when saying “I’m so over it” ugh. Please be more revealing!

5. Don’t get shit-faced:
Weeknight or Weekend doesn’t matter. Two cocktails at most, you should both have questions to ask and things to share, alcohol may serve as an icebreaker but it could tell the other person your weak around the edges and can’t offer stimulation w/o alcohol consumption. This will be an argument and they will bring it up in your first official fight!

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6. Don’t overdress
Think casual, nice jeans collared shirt or at least a V-Neck. No need to go all out. Save the the best for the third or fourth date when you want to remind the other of how good you can look. The first step to keeping it fresh is KEEPING IT FRESH. #NotRocketScience.

7. Don’t be on your best behavior
Enjoy yourself and don’t hide all of your little goofy things. Speak up, voice your opinions about movies or neighborhoods and music, some pop culture (avoid the heavy stuff) see above. But trying to do everything perfect will only set you up to fail. We are not super human so don’t act like you are. If sports is on ask about it, if you know nothing, learn! Do not try to act like you know the shot clock is at the bottom of the screen and wonder why everyone is saying time ran out but you clearly see 9:20 left on the (game clock). Lol. Fellas if you can’t find a place because your smart phone is on a date w Murphy’s Law, ask for directions! Get over it. The important thing is making it there on time, not showing your outdated boy scout skills. Ps never say you were a Boy Scout as well. Lmfao. Kidding Kinda.

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8. Don’t be  too affectionate:
It’s a first date take it easy cowboy. Doesn’t matter how “Right” it feels. Tuck it in! Subtle touches, hand holding to cross the street, something is so funny you have to brush his chest but keep it PG.

9. Don’t talk immediate future:
Talk today, talk a little about yesterday and maybe even tomorrow, but stay away from the long term future. Of course we should all have goals however we change all the time and you shouldn’t want to  have someone either love or hate your future self. Defeats the purpose. Keep it in the present, let the future happen.

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10. Don’t sleep with person on the first date:
This should be obvious by now! But it isn’t. Please keep it out of the bedroom, try to get to know the person before sharing bodily fluids. It’s not worth it. Of course in the moment it is but it historically doesn’t always work out the way you thought in that lustful moment. Keep it public, keep it PG and keep it out of the sheets. Thank me later!

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What’s Next?

All I wanna do in this world while I’m here is feel like I’m leaving it “just” a little better than the way I found it. I have an onslaught of goals to reach before I leave this planet but this would undoubtedly be one of most dear to me.

I have seen many things in my short life and I’m looking forward to what’s next. I have been able to bear witness to some pretty horrible things which has allowed me to truly appreciate the beautiful things. This world is full of manic, sensitive, tough, enlightened, frightened, mean, loving and insightful people.

Seeing a sunset on a beach while on vacation is one thing but, looking out your apt/home window on a random Tues before the sun resigns for the day and overlooking all the things you have done in that day is breathtaking. Of course white sandy beaches are a must but long talks about life are cornerstones of my life and my inspiration to #DoBetter.

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I receive so many texts, emails, and messages from those of you who are out there reading my thoughts, fears, jokes, concerns and wants. I can’t express the feeling I get when I know that someone in Missouri reads my blog or that someone in Kansas took my advice on a first date (interview) lol.

Reaching out and sharing whatever gifts I may have with the rest of the world is what I seek. I don’t think I’m better than any man and I’m sure not better than any woman (Goddesses), but I do believe that I have certain talents that compel me to be around others.

I love being around people; makes me feel like I’m living. I know that people need “alone time” but I love groups, social gatherings, teams and really anything that brings a bunch of like minded people to the same place.

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However I can’t do concerts, and large capacity events like sporting games… Agreed we are all like minded in cheering on the team we like the most but seeing the underbelly of people sometimes really discourages me at my core. Not to mention my couch is way more comfortable than $10 hot dogs, lines of traffic and poor seats. lol.

 

I’m looking forward to the challenges coming in the future but I’m also craving the new experiences for which I’m about to face head on. No one likes the bad stuff but what would life be if we didn’t have something to compare the good stuff to?

Would we really even know what’s good or not? I’m always trying to raise questions in your mind as to how you view things.. well… what’s next for you? What has life taught you so far that you want to use for your tomorrow? What hasn’t happened yet that you wish does? What have you experienced so far that makes you want more of it?

Please email me and tell me what it is. I want to see each one you #MakeMoves and make the most out of this life. It isn’t for anyone else except yourself. When you reach the end of your trip do you want to look back and think of the things you never did or remember all the times you took a chance and said yes, welcomed the challenge and stood up to the doubters? Which version do you want?

Thanks so much for reading along with me and being a part of my journey as I hope I’m helping you in yours. #Friends #PenPals Until next time and please share and post and subscribe… :)

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What’s it gonna be?

I look around and I continue to engage in conversations with others about the dangers of risks or financial security. These things have been personified as if they were actual living creatures underneath our beds at night whispering in our ears “Don’t Do It”, “It’s too hard”, “You’re not good enough”. Ugh NO!

All I have to say is.. let’s get to the point on this one.

  1. It’s a Lonely Road Untraveled. This means there’s no hand book, so stop looking around for one. Your friends and close ones aren’t gonna have all of the answers so do not blame them nor should you lean on them for what you need to figure out.
  2. It’s Uncharted Territory. This is the best thing about taking a new approach to life. It means you get to write your own story and be your own director. Isn’t that was life was meant to be?
  3. Freedom. I see no freedom or job security behind corporate contracts or 10 year tenure. It all sounds like boundaries and threats. Can and cannots, Red and Yellow tapes, procedures and policies… Are you yawning yet? Moving right along.
  4. This freedom will scare you at times. Hire an accountant, keep counsel with people you trust and keep doing your thing..
  5.  You can have it all but you cannot have ALL of IT – meaning you can reach for the stars and you just might collect one or two but you will not get there with everyone you started your journey with. I have unfortunately felt the sting of this and it HURTS. You will find new support and have to build a new team.
  6. You’ll start meeting more people who #MakeMoves like you! There will be other dreamers, believers and creators to keep you company.
  7. Nothing is immediate. There are no short sprints in this marathon only bumps and small victories which you will have to learn how to collect along the way and make them mean as much as they can in the moment while trucking along to the next one. Patience…..
  8. There will be Critics. Critics are a necessity and if you utilize critics in the right situation ((handling critics)) you will know just what to do with outside interference.
  9. Sacrifices will be made. Some will be rewarding and some will cause immense pain. What’s worse is that you may not know the outcome of a decision/sacrifice until further down this rabbit hole so “buck up,” stand tall and withstand whatever comes your way until the dust settles. Sometimes though you’ll just feel relief :)
  10. “It can’t rain all the time” (For you Sami). And it won’t. When it rains, it pours and when it stops rainbows follow, so weather the storm and take what it gives you. Strength, Resilience, Perseverance and a thicker skin.
  11. If they are not riding with you then they are simply not RIDING. Pull over and let them out nicely. If they are reluctant to get off then take the necessary measures. It’s hard enough traveling a road upwards with an RV on empty carrying too much of everyone’s baggage, egos, insecurities and doubts….. (Deep Breath) You don’t need anything extra making the trip more difficult than it already is. Besides you gotta have room for the ones you WILL meet along the way.
  12. Turn your fears into your strengths. Accurately assess yourself in a mirror and turn whatever you don’t like about yourself into the thing you love about yourself. I am a shy person and afraid of meeting women or speaking in front of large groups of people. This is FACT. So what do I do for a living? I now am a Motivational Speaker, Group Exercise Instructor and a Well Known Dj/Emcee. I haven’t addressed the meeting women thing however it hasn’t really negatively affected my social life thus far. But I’m working on it!

Some things to consider:

There will be some days that will trip you up.

When that happens, get inspired:

–          Coming of Age

–          Micro-SOFT takes new approach.. Should you?

And let go of every excuse.

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Do You Remember?

Remember you are
Remember its so far
Remember you have today
Remember you had yesterday
Remember you have him
Remember you have her
Remember you have them
Remember its here now
Remember it can be gone tomorrow
Remember the laugh you borrowed
Remember the fight you fought
Remember the time you needed to be caught
Remember the time you won
Remember the time you lost
Remember the time you cried
Remember how far you have come
Remember the time you learned
Remember the time you burned
Remember the time you promised
Remember the time you paid homage
Remember the gift you gave
Remember how to MisBehave
Remember how to dream
Remember that funny meme (lol)
Remember how to Challenge
Remember to stay balanced

If you can remind yourself of just a few of these things today tomorrow and the next you should never have to worry about forgetting how to live laugh and love.

#MakeMoves

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Guest Post – Selfless Good Deeds: Fact or Fiction

I had an interesting conversation with a friend this week – It was pretty funny and I think it had a larger point..  KJ #CoSigned. So, I asked her to put it into a post to share with everyone this week.. Enjoy!

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Some food for thought:::

I’m attending a spinning event this Friday to raise money and bring awareness to the Family Reach Foundation. To be honest, I’m not entirely looking forward to it because we’ll be spinning for 3 hours straight, I don’t currently have padded bike shorts and I keep having flashbacks to the only other time I’ve attended a spinning class.

Last year, the man, the myth, the legend – Kupah James, invited me to a spin event for a new spinning club that opened up in Canton where he DJ’ed during a 1 hour class. I finally agreed 10 minutes before he left and at the end of it I was thrilled that I went and had a great time. But, I was not amazing at spinning, and I’m one of those annoying competitive people that prefer to succeed from the get go. (And, spinning hurts..)

In thinking about this I was wrestling with my perspective because obviously this is an amazing event for an incredible organization, but why didn’t I just donate money and leave it at that? I then recalled the episode of Friends in season 5: The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS and her debate with Joey about the existence of selfless good deeds.

I love the company I work for and we participate in a lot of events during the course of the year which all are tied to various charitable endeavors. They also almost all require physical activity – cycling, spinning, running, walking, triathlon-ing. The majority of my coworkers bike, walk or run to work from the suburbs and are highly competitive, athletically endowed individuals. For those of us that are not, we tend to get very nervous beforehand and then go back and do it again and again.

Understanding that “good deed” doesn’t always mean charity – but, as an example for the larger point, come on people why so nit-picky?

So what’s the deal – am I selfishly participating in this good deed, or is it selfless on account of the sacrifice from my energy, legs, competitive nature, embarrassment and functioning lady parts?

I can honestly say that it’s selfish for me. I’ll like being able to say I did this, I love that I exceeded my donation goal for funds raised & I get teary-eyed. In public. Whenever we talk about these organizations and learn how our impact was felt by individuals and families; It’s a great feeling.

Sorry Phoebs, Joey was right on this one. There are no selfless good deeds.

And for all of you that think you’re just a nicer person than I am and you selflessly help your friends out, pick up trash on the street when no one’s looking, whatever it is.. Let’s lay it all out there: 1 of the following are always true.

  1. It’s a great feeling to think that you’ve helped even in a small way for any cause/friend/environmental impact.
  2. And, if you’re that cold-hearted or cynical that you don’t believe in humanity – even a philanthropic millionaire who you’d assume just donates $$ for the write off or the appearance, gets the good reputation and the write off. ((Bragging rights or favors to hold against your friends))
  3. Or, as my scientist coworkers might say: it’s science. They get you to run, walk or bike for a cause the endorphins literally make you euphoric.

Selfish doesn’t always have to be a bad thing. By taking care of YOU or making YOU feel good,  you’re a better person to be around, you’re a better worker, a better friend, a better citizen and you can make a bigger impact on the world you live in.

– SP

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BACKGROUND:

For those of you who aren’t able to remember and quote every line of every episode of Friends.

Joey is participating in a telethon with PBS; Phoebe hates PBS because she used to watch Sesame Street as a kid and when her mom died she wrote them a letter to a less than satisfactory response. She accuses Joey of selfishness that appears as a good deed, because he wants to be on TV. Joey then claims there is no selfless good deed – Phoebe thinks birthing her brothers triplets was selfless and Joey calls her out because she felt great about doing that for her brother and loves the triplets.

My favorite way Phoebe tried to prove her point: She lets a bee sting her. “The bee gets to look tough in front of his bee friends and I am definitely not happy about it.” Joey replies, “You know the bee probably died right afterwards?”

“Because she fails at all her attempts, she decides to donate $200 to PBS, because “they bring happiness to lots of kids whose moms didn’t kill themselves”, and she won the bet. However, this donations leads to Joey being the volunteer which broke last year’s record, so he finally gets on TV; which makes Phoebe happy. (source)”

OutSide Da Box

One of the most important things in a successful life is having a vision.

A vision is something that can be abstract or tangible but is absolutely necessary as the foundation for any forward progress. You may call them goals, which is more commonly connected to the wants and directions of such ideas. I call them visions because that’s what they are in my mind.

All of my goals started as a vision. A moment in my life where I thought of something and then envisioned it becoming a reality and how to make it so. These are my visions and from them I form goals, which are my way of actually making them a reality.

This entry isn’t about what my visions are but more about you having a vision, what they mean to you, what ARE your visions, have you envisioned something in the past and made it so today?

But most importantly are your visions your own or are they the visions of a conformity? That’s where this gets interesting because I challenge each and everyone of you to examine your visions and call out the ones actually yours vs the ones you adopted from the “Box”. The “Box” is anything served up, advised, or promoted from the stiff thinking of the masses. In other words #LAMESAUCE

In this entry I challenge… NO, I dare you to think of a vision or call one from the past back up to the present and re-visit that vision. I ask you to take that vision and re-analyze it, examine it, refine it and then make it so! Or at least try.

Whatever it is or whatever you’re currently doing I just suggest that you think outside the box. Some of the most amazing ideas, inventions and creations came from just that. So if someone else can do it why can’t you?

No, but really – what are your visions, have you envisioned something in the past and made it so today??

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Branding – Some basics

Branding is so very important and, not just in business, but in life in general with social media being such a force in how we communicate with each other. Each one of these sites is showcasing your “brand” all over the World Wide Web.

Confession: every time I make a new friend on FB or a new Twitter follower, I immediately creep all over their pages, walls, photos and anything else I can. And most times I don’t have to ask any questions because their entire life, interests, hobbies, thoughts, beliefs and profession are online.

This should be extremely alarming to you if you are not thinking about your online profile…

Things to consider when posting online:
•It doesn’t come down on its own, whatever you post is online for about as long as the site is alive, and long after you have forgotten you posted it.
• World Wide Web: Not a secret club house, if you put it online it’s for the world. Please do not convince yourself that anyone can’t find it.
• Private Social Media Life: This is simple, it doesn’t exist. A private social media platform is an Oxymoron. Unless you have read all the terms and agreements before checking that box then how can you argue?
• Storefront: Is what your posting as interesting to the world as it is to you? Didn’t think so. An extra thought before posting historically never hurt anyone, EVER!

These are just a few of things to ponder regarding social media. There are many ways to create a brand and maintain it. Do you have to be on the cover of a magazine or play professional sports, win an academy award? Well yes, but that’s not the point.

Branding isn’t what you have done necessarily and it doesn’t have to be a specific goal either. You wanna have a direction, a goal, an image. There should be something to where you wanna get to and then you need to create the Brand to help get you there. More importantly, once you have acquired this you must continue to evolve your brand as your continue to grow.

Never forget that it’s much easier to fall off the Pedestal then it is to climb it.

I’ll leave you with this Quote, that I didn’t create…

~Remember and be nice to all the people you meet on your way up, because those will be the same people you see on the way down.~

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Black History Month: Modern Day Entrepreneurs

To continue the discussion around Black History Month I wanted to also call out a variety of modern day entrepreneurs that have been taking over film/tv/toys/music/clothing/appliances/entertainment..

Lonnie G Johnson: Engineer and inventor who has developed multiple things in energy technology. Most notably.. he was the inventor of the SUPER SOAKER! #BestToyEver #LetsHaveAWaterFight

Tyler Perry: I know everyone knows him as the Madea character and movie director (which is no small feat – those movies are crazy popular!) But, he actually got his start as an accomplished playwright. He’s also an author, producer, songwriter and has created multiple television shows.

Tyra Banks: Not just a pretty face.. She was a successful model and turned that into a TV and film career. She now has her own production company which has produced a number of shows and movies including America’s Next Top Model which is still going strong over 10 years later. She’s one of four African-Americans who has repeatedly been one of Time Magazine’s most influential people.

George Foreman: Starting out a troubled youth who dropped out of high school he became an Olympic winning boxer. After retiring from his storied boxing career he brought the George Foreman grill into our lives. #GeniusIdea. Fun fact: Of his 12 children, 6 are named after him.. 5 sons named George and one daughter named Georgetta.

Russell Simmons: Third richest hip-hop figure he’s a true businessman. He created Def Jam music label and a few clothing lines, most famous being Phat Farm. Def Jam is known for many hip hop artists, some big names today include Kanye, Rihanna and Frank Ocean.

Sean “Puffy” Combs: First one to sign Notorious BIG on Bad Boy Records.. Producer, artist, created the TV Show Making the Band, actor.. Richest figure in hip hop worth $580 million. Other ventures he’s known for are his Sean John clothing line and now owner of Enyce, owner of two NY restaurants and developed Ciroc vodka. Also known as.. Puffy, P. Diddy and Diddy.. and somehow never lost brand recognition. #Didn’tWorkForPrince

And then there’s Michael Jordan, arguably the best Basketball Player ever, this man has done things that might not ever be eclipsed (at least in my mind.) I could probably blog about his quotes and sayings for 2 whole months and still not capture all that he has left behind. I do not know every business deal or endorsement he has but Michael Jordan did it, and he was one of the first and he did it the best. Not only an amazing basketball player but as a role model he captivated me as a young boy and made me feel like if I worked hard enough I could have anything. Now a days you can “flick” through IG, FB and Twitter and be motivated by anyone or anything, its good but bad. You can simply pull out your phone, tablet or laptop and “SEEM” motivated by scouring social media. Back then (I’m old reference) you actually had to go and buy books or watch documentaries and plan your nightly activities because the Chicago Bulls played on TNT at 8:35 and you couldn’t record it. Any way Michael is and always will be one of the most important and influential people in my life. He’s the definition of an entrepreneur – he has his hands in and on everything. #Can’tLearnEnoughFromHim

Oprah: #NuffSaid. #Recognize. #BlackWomen. #1. #AspireToBeAsSuccessful.

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Any surprises? Who else would you include? Most interesting Black History Month facts?

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Top 10 Ways to keep an eX and eX

It’s Valentine’s Day.. You either love it or hate it. You’re either single or not. If you’re single – embrace it. Make Moves with your life, Do You. Spend time with your friends. Party hard.

But, whether you’re single or with someone, this day can bring up some crazy emotions.. People are always talking about how much it sucks to be single, or how great it is, or professing their loves for their significant someone. No one ever talks about the eX-Factor.

On Valentine’s Day you might be tempted to reach out to an eX and rekindle some flame.. or you’ll hear from one. So here’s a different kinda post that might be useful to you:

Top 10 Ways to Keep an Ex an Ex

  1. Delete the Number
  2. Ignore them!!!! Ignore them so much it starts to piss you off when they reach out.
  3. Find someone better
  4. Think about the times you wished you were single
  5. Make Plans w Friends
  6. Watch Good Break Up Movies and/or listen to Break Up Music
  7. Ask your closest most trusted friends to remind you of the reason they are given the Ex Title
  8. Think about the annoying times
  9. Have too much pride to look “crazy” or “desperate”
  10. Start a new hobby, class, go on a trip so you start a new chapter without any association of them

Have you used any of these? Anything missing from this list? Anything SO TRUE on this list? Let me know!

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Remembering Black History Month

In honor of Black History Month I thought it would be fun and interesting to talk about some famous African American entrepreneurs over the next few weeks.

Paying homage to those who paved the way for those today..

Madam CJ Walker (1867-1919): Founder of the “hair-growing” business. She got her start trying to cure hair loss and turned into a self declared hair culturist creating Madame CJ Walker Manufacturing Company complete with sales and marketing departments. She even opened a college to teach others her craft. Her products were hair treatments and lotions. She inspired the first permanent wave machine and fun fact: Was the first self-made female millionaire in America! Not just first African-American millionaire, but FEMALE millionaire. Yeah, look out Oprah!

Elijah McCoy (1844-1929): Child of former slaves who escaped on the underground railroad, he was issued more than 57 patents in his lifetime. After an apprenticeship he began working as a train fireman and oiler. He create a lubricating system for steam engines to prevent them from overheating without requiring the train to stop. Fun fact: Other manufacturers tried to copy, but, their product was never as good, so people would say, “I want the Real McCoy” which is where the STILL USED statement comes from. Lol Um DOPE! #History

Garrett Morgan (1877-1963): I’m gonna go out on a limb and say this dude is one of the most interesting inventors and entrepreneurs I’ve read about because of the importance and lasting impact of his creations. He created multiple inventions and was a very successful businessman. But, two of his inventions were: the Gas Mask and Traffic Lights. His original gas mask was called a safety hood. He was able to save a number of lives after a tunnel explosion almost killed a number of water works workers. After running into some issues from people who didn’t want to buy from a black man. The US Army used his gas mask during WWI when poisonous gases were heavily used.

After witnessing a bad traffic accident and seeing the need to have a back up or replacement for policemen or traffic workers directing traffic he created the first traffic signal. This was sold to General Electric for $40,000 and was the original model for the traffic lights we use today. WHAT?! … I mean.. WHAT?!

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Today I wanted to start by showcasing some amazing people we either have never heard of or can easily get lost over time. There are so many amazing African American entrepreneurs and inventors modern day that I want to talk about too – but, special notice needs to be made to these 3 (of many, many others!)

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