Top 10 things NOT to do with an iPhone

Not in any particular order…

1) Never Complain! It’s an iPhone not a hockey puck! This thing can do things that belonged in E.T.’s Space craft. In fact even he would’ve been all like “E.T.  iPhone home” #JuSayin the phone is easily one if the greatest technological breakthroughs of our time and will make history books for your grandchildren, so remember this before u start shaking it for better cell coverage, (clowns) and yes I’ve done it LOL.

2) You don’t need to take it off of a charger. They keep saying it has more battery life, and maybe so?! Power cycling!? I’ve heard all about it. But, the average consumer is not going to notice the difference from Monday the 1st to Tuesday the 1st of the next month. Trust me! The tests they use to figure that stuff out is far beyond what we do or my pay grade. So charge away!!

3) Never ever put it over a toilet, trash or sink! Let’s be honest people, the iPhone goes where you go, especially after Taco and Fajita night (Yum). I know you’re thinking, “But, how else can you keep up on social media Facebook stalking and talking smack (that you would never say to someone’s face) on Twitter, or reading the last few pages of 50 Shades of Grey, while you’re creating artwork in your respective lavatory receptacle?!” Get a life people, and put your phone somewhere safe for a few minutes! Flickers, FB Stalkers and Twitter Terrorists = LAME!

4) Never keep inappropriate photos on your phone. Cut it out. You don’t need them! They can only cause grief and embarrassment. LOL! Girls, stop showing yourself to the world through photos! How ‘bout this: if a guy wants to see you maybe he should just spend time with you! OMG I’m a genius, and side note, the kissy face is GROSS and not sexy at all so remove that from your repertoire entirely please. I’m pretty sure 10% of the female population can even pull it off, so, take a good look in a mirror and ask a real friend if you’re in that % or not. I’m doing you a favor here.

5) Please do not allow others to hold your phone! It is not their prized possession and they will not treat it as such. They will easily become distracted and your phone will be the victim. Even better, case or no case they will put your phone anywhere on any surface as they cannot appreciate the angel-like delicacy of the iPhones casing. I’m talking to every other phone carrier out there! Notice how Apple doesn’t make commercials digging other companies? Exactly! Because when you’re on the top there’s no one to throw digs at.

6) Pay careful attn to this one! DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT take part in any GROUP MESSAGING. It’s your nightmare! There’s always someone on the group that you don’t know and apparently their life will be over because you responded “to all”. Sometimes people don’t even know who’s in the group and start chomping off insults while the other person is reading the whole thing. Men, women love catching you doing bad things so next time you get hit with 20 Q’s it could be a set up. Two girls group messaging one guy asking all sorts of questions, Dude really? It’s over for you. Learn how to use your phone.

7) Open pockets, lose purses and butter fingers are not suited to iPhone users! So stop and put it inside something secure and safe. If you are able to walk around with a safe DO IT. Or purchase an Otterbox! It’s huge and completely messes up the look of the phone but it will be safe!

8.) Don’t save numbers like this “Dad Cell” or “Becky Work” it’s ridiculous. Remember… Most amazing device ever? When you save a name you can apply a “work, home, or iPhone” to the number. It really isn’t a big deal, but, I will point it out and laugh at you if I see it otherwise. A part two to this is: Don’t buy an iPhone and not know how to use it… Multitasking, Multi-Gesturing, Cut-Copy-Pasting, Emoticons, Landscape Mode, Hard Reset, Instant Camera, Photo Sharing, Siri, iTunes, Screen Shots, Sharing multiple photos at once? Please know these things or bring the phone back. It’s like have a Ferrari and riding in the trunk with the music off in the slow lane. LMAO.

9) This is more for the Playa’s and Play-Ettes of the world who think they are so smart turning the phone to silent but allowing it to vibrate. I don’t know the exact statistic but I’m pretty sure everyone on the planet now has an ear for a vibrating phone. So, leaving it on vibrate only tells the person you are either trying to be polite and not have your phone ringing ORRR you’re trying to hide all of those awesome text messages and phone calls coming through that are just “FRIENDS” lol. P.S. ever notice when a female has a call, and it’s not a secret, the name is always announced BUT when it is someone else all we hear is “Friend???” #SideNote #JuSayin.

10) Let me repeat again this list is in NO particular order of importance it’s just how they came to me. : )

Recently Apple developed this amazing technology called iMessage which is the equivalent to Wack-Berries internal communication line (BBM I believe it is called.) If you are unfamiliar with this amazing-ness it gives a receipt of a read message and tells you if it was delivered to the other person with iMessage. Amazing except that the world thinks it’s the CIA and removes this option leaving the sender curious. Look people, if you text me and I don’t text back, it’s for 1 of 3 reasons. 1) I’m actually busy at the moment and can’t respond efficiently enough to your question or statement, 2) Whatever you wrote requires an actual thought and I’m processing it to respond the best way possible rather than answering your “I miss you so much” text with an “ok” response (we all know how that feels) or  3) Yeah it was delivered and yeah I read it and I didn’t respond… Read between the lines people I just don’t want to talk to you. Nothing personal but nothing your saying at the time is worth responding to at that time. Or you’re a crazy psycho, text too much, repeat yourself, you have a knack for arguing via text, which all pretty much explains itself.

Now go get yourself an APPLE PRODUCT and join the rest of society. Hope you got a chuckle because I certainly did writing this one. Have a good day and #MakeMoves